And we are back...
(as a disclaimer, my own title makes the english major in me cringe)
It was not the first time I watched Requiem for a Dream, nor was it the last. It seemed a lot harder to deal with the second time around. First difference was the setting where the movie was played. Rather than in my room during the day with all the lights on, we were in a dark lecture type classroom with the movie playing as if in a theater. The loud music combined with the size of the projection screen pulled me into the story and I could not look away. I knew what was coming, I knew when it was coming, but I still could not look away.
I brought two friends with me to the movie. We had all watched it together before. It wasn’t that bad. The arm gets to everyone, but it doesn’t bother me. It’s the obvious delusion of the refrigerator and the electric shock therapy scenes that bug me the most. I think it’s a control thing. I hate being out of control of my thoughts and actions. Taking away my independence is akin to taking away air. Having a loss of control over my mind in which I begin to hallucinate to the point where I believe inanimate are attacking me scares me to the core.
I know I am a legal junkie when I am obsessed with the malpractice of the doctors in the movie. There is addiction and self destruction and I focus on doctors violating ethics. But here is my rant anyway… when Sara is in the psych ward and the doctor wants her to sign the paper to allow EST it makes me want to scream. The woman is delusional and having REFRIGERATORS attack HER and he wants her to give CONSENT for EST! OMG, I die a little each time I see it. As well as the doctor who gives these pills! He is drugging his patients and when they call and complain he brushes them off. Having worked in a doctor’s office where we took the HIPPA privacy laws extremely seriously, I cannot even begin to explain how much it bothers me that this was allowed to happen. Some healthcare system …
After I got out of the movie I called my mom. I lost my father two years ago this Saturday and some of the things said in the movie really hit close to home, too close in fact. When Harry goes to visit Sara and she talks about being lonely and her friends not caring I regret leaving my mother so soon after my father’s death. With my brother in the Midwest and me up here at school, it kills me to know she is alone. But she told me we need to continue with our lives and not stop because something bad happens. I always vow to never let that happen to my mother. I vow to never let her get that lonely, that she will always have someone who cares close by. There are times when I get frustrated that I have to call her and force myself to include her in my life but then I see this movie and I take it all back. I care too much to allow myself to push her away. I would give the world before the loneness became that much. In some ways I relate to Harry, loving my mother but not knowing what to do. I identify with the feelings of frustration of living up to expectations, but I can never lie and walk away like that. I resent his character for doing such a thing.
May the characters take the dreams of the lives they always wanted and hold onto them during times of trial. And for all those in the roles of characters in real life (in any part) may they realize that the bit of hope not found can be found even in darkness.
Too many bleak thoughts before bed, and I have an early class. Nightmares about refrigerators ahoy.