Thursday, November 20, 2008

The Problem with Push, Tweak, and my writing

Tweak and Push are two very personal books on completely different subjects. They are not only personal to the authors that write them, but become personal to the audience following along. I have been thinking about these books constantly over the past two weeks, and I believe that is why I have had a problem writing. I relate to these books very much, and that has scared me. Maybe not always to the problems the authors are having, but to how the characters feel and the lives they live.

For Tweak, everyone has an addiction. This could anything from meth, to cutting, to even just going on roller coasters. For me, its driving. I love the thrill of being in control of a machine going at high speeds. It is an adrenaline rush like no other. The worst the weather the conditions, the higher the level of thrill. Going 90 on a sunny day does not even give me a buzz anymore. It is a scary thought to be able to lose that rush. It is still an addiction and I keep wanting to push the envelope to see how far I can go. I don't want to die or anything and I think that is why I feel it is different. I still have that level of self preservation in my mind as I go speeding down the highway. Also, should I ever get a ticket, I know my feelings will change.

Push effected me in a completely different way. It was a horrific tale that I could not put down. I just wanted to keep reading. It invoked feelings of sadness, rage, and anger. I have known people who have had horrific stories like that. My mother is an inner city high school teacher in New Jersey. She deals with kids who admit to eating only one meal a day and brings them food so they could have a second or third meal. She has gotten books on tape, for kids who want to read but cannot keep up with their normal lessons. She is a math teacher. My mother has also went and brought shirts for kids who come in with ripped and dirty clothes. My heart always breaks and I go to pick out things with her. She has given out essentials for kids who have nothing. There are teachers who do want to help and are willing to go out of their way and do things to give these kids opportunities to have a better life. I have talked with my mother on the phone about this book. We swapped stories and just spoke about the terrible things going on in the world. She tells about having a teen in her class that just moved to the country. He came from a Spanish speaking country and had never been to a school in his life. She had him in her class and had so many problems with him not being able to read, write or even speak in English.

I have had most of this in my head for a few days. I knew I needed to think it through and get all my thoughts out. It was a lot to sort out as shown by the length of my post. I may post again, I still have so much more to say. Till next time......

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


I had originally written this as a diary entry, but as this is a blog, scanning my notebook wouldn't exactly work.

I read this book Tweak by Nic Sheff. He writes in more detail then I expected and I wonder how much the drugs effected his writing or maybe not at all. Nic is a drug addict who varies between giving you way to much information on situations you didn't want to know about and leaving you hanging about what is going on in his thoughts. He says he is addicted to drugs and while I don't doubt that, I wonder instead if he is addicted to the feel of the drugs. It seems that in his life he had very little control of what was going on. The drugs allow him to regulate something, feel something.

He always seems to fall into routine between being on drugs, being in rehab, knowing he will relapse, relasping and then back on drugs. He seems to have every oppertunity in the world and the world at his finger tips. He is from a well off slightly... very dysfunctional family who loves him and continue trying to help. He is brillian with the means to succeed in any profession and has had constant support at in his life. Even when he was completely unreasonable and was unable to work out things in his life, he always had someone to turn to which I feel helped him eventually succeed in life.

I will post more after class... so much to say on this book =)